New Blogger looking for stress release!

Well I never did anything like this but on a daily basis I go through a zillion emotions and I figured it would help to spill these emotions out and maybe get some insightful opinions or comments.

I am 32 and have been dealing with chronic pain of Ankylosing Spondyltist (basically arthritist of the spine and hips but affects other joints as well). I been dealing with this for years, almost 14 years. The first 7 years they were miss diagnosing me so they put me on pain killers mostly. I put a quick stop to that. Why would I mask pain I was feeling? I need to feel the pain so we can get to the root of the problem. But of course my doctor/doctors didn’t understand the issue or root cause was unknown, so that was their solution. Finally I got diagnosed and put on proper medications. Yes plural!

The meds do help for the most part. I do still have my bad days. These days have been occurring more and more lately.  When I say bad day, I am meaning I can barely get out of bed and every movement is painful! This happens and it brings my whole mental attitude down. Why must it tho? This is part of me. Yes its sad to a point, but it doesn’t mean my life needs to stop.  This time around, I think I am fully accepting the condition. i am instead of looking at it as a negative of “barely getting out of bed”, I look at it as “I got out of bed” and “the more I move, even with the pain, it will subside”. I was always embarrassed of this condition; I walk funny and am weak and always tired. But I find myself educating people more on what I have and they seem to be more understanding when i cancel on them or when I can not do certain activities.  it really hit me that I needed to accept this when I had to turn down a job knowing I was not physically able to do it.

Since I have made the decision it feels so liberating. I no longer want this to be weighing me down. Once I accepted it, I feel that others have as I educate them, It’s like they say “you must love yourself before anyone can love you”.